If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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