Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
