apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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