summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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