I cockslap morals
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
