she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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