i jhust puked up my retainher.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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