Do you still have your period?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
