WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
