dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Boobs are out for the taking
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
