I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
