they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
