strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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