So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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