tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize