I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
