why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
