"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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