I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
