I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My day in three words: secret purse cake
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
