walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to calm my uterus...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
