i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
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Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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