Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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