The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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