OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
