Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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