mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
