Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
