Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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