so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
