You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
