drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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