How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
