I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
