if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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