he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
