he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
