how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i believe in u and ur pee
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
