You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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