where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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