Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
