I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
