don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
