I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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