My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
