I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
