maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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