I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
