I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
