im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
