I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
