She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
