So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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