By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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