i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
